This could be a bit late in the making for a New Year post, but I find myself overly reflective lately. Depending on what exactly, I am reflecting on could be a dangerous past time. Reflection or a New Year is often centered around one word. Change. Change ourselves. Change our life. Change our job. Change our weight. Change our habits. Change, it seems when we set forth to do it and improve something in our life is always at the beginning of the year. I find that it is easy to say, when things are not working out so hot along the way, that OH, NEXT year, I will do that. I will change that -NEXT YEAR, or I will try to be better at this or improve myself here or there.
As I reflect, I find that it isn’t so much about change but more of being the best you can be in the various areas of your life. Now, don’t get me wrong. There are some things that DO need to be changed in our lives. But those things are probably not suited to be a New Year’s Resolution. Those typically are the holy shit, I better change this types of things and waiting for a New Year isn’t going to help you there. Like, say finding A JOB. Or, to stop binge drinking (which entirely fun as it is, is probably not a healthy past time). Some things just need to be taken care of regardless of the changing of the numbers.
This year, I do not think I considered resolutions as much as I just looked at myself and my life. I have so much that I am thankful for, and often it is easy to get sucked into the vortex of “this sucks”. I am guilty of it. I am guilty of leaning towards the negative, especially when stressed. Stress, that is a entirely different animal and one that seems to eat up much of my energy if I am not careful. I have a few things that are not necessarily changes for me this year, but more of a focus and things I hope to be better at, or pay more attention to.
1. Listen more, talk less. I try to be a good listener, but often I find myself talk-talk-talking instead of just listening. I find that I should focus on really listening AND hearing what is being told to me, both from family, students, colleagues and friends.
2. Appreciate the time I have with those I care about. This is really a no brainer. My kids are growing up. My parents are getting older. I need to be more thankful for the time I spend with them and also, to let them know it. This isn’t necessarily a change in my behavior, because I try to let them know, but maybe be more conscious of it. Be the best Mom, sister, friend, etc. that I can be.
3. Remember that it is ok to say no and be the best at what I am doing instead of doing so much.
4. Be better at holding others accountable for my feelings. I find that I have become better at counting in my head, reigning in the emotional reaction but I am always on the fence as how to address it. I say it is OK, when really, it isn’t. So, as I am a better person with my own emotions and feelings, I need to make sure I hold others accountable as well.
5. Grace. I will be better at giving myself grace. I will be the best I can be at finding a quiet time and allowing myself to not always be the best. To make mistakes and to learn. To take time and just breathe and take a break when I need it.
6. Health. I will be the best at being healthy. I eat well. I exercise. I will continue to do those things and better myself with my health and my food choices.
7. Love. This one is hard for me. I love deeply. It has been a big part of my reflection this year. How love affects me and how I affect others with my love. I am not even sure I have the words for this one, but I do know that I want to be the best at how I love, give love, and how I recieve love as well as opening myself up to love.
8. Me. Myself. I. I will continue to work hard at loving myself and finding good in each day, both in believing in myself and knowing it is ok to put myself first.
9. Teach. I will be the best at looking to my students needs and not just curriuclum. Also, getting to know each and every one of the students–and have that realtionship of learning with them as well as appreciating them as people.
10. Thankful for the blessings I have. Job. Family. A house…sometimes it is easy to complain about the job or my momey pit of a house, but thankful is where I need to be. I could be complaining that I don’t have these things.
I guess this is where I am at right now…and of all things, I find that I am going to be better at letting things go…what I can’t change…what I can’t control… and what is not necessarily about me…
2014. It is here. Like, now.